this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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