clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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