okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
