last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
