when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
