thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
