2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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