i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
