I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
