I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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