Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
