I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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