So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
