Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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