She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
