Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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