He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
that is very illegal...i love you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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