Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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