remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
