i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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