So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize