I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
