Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I supernannyed him into submission
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize