My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
