She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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