Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
