it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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