i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
