My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
