Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
