just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
