just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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