I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
