Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize