I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize