You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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