I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
