i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
