It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
