Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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