i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
