i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
