Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
