I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
