i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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