The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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