And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's like iHOP with fire
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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