Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
