made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
