A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
