Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
