worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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