Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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