I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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