It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
