There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
