if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
