Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
