The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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