remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
