pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
