You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
