Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
