I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
