I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
