she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
