You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize