do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
