ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
