There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There r osticjed everywhere
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
