I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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