Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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