You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
