Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
