so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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