Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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