I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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