I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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