Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize