You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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