The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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