she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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