my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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